Living with the Truth Stranger than Fiction This Is Not About What You Think Milligan and Murphy Making Sense

Wednesday, 27 August 2008

Aggie and Shuggie 7

Shuggie: Aggie. Whit're ye daein?
Aggie: Ah'm usin the comptuta.
Shuggie: Whit fer?
Aggie: Nainur yer bisnis. An don't take yer Parka aff. Yer no stayin.
Shuggie: Why no?
Aggie: Yoo'll find oot.
Shuggie: Are yoo lookin up pikchas o Bread Pitt agin?
Aggie: Nah.
Shuggie: Wull who then?
Aggie: Nainur yer bisnis.
Shuggie: Let me see.
Aggie: Bugger aff.
Shuggie: Gie it ere. [He snatches the laptop from her] Who's that? That's no Bread Pitt. That's that pillock that played Bullseye in that Daredeevil movie.
Aggie: Ye mean Colin Farrell. It's no Colin Farrell.
Shuggie: E luks like im. E's goat the same shiftie eyes.
Aggie: E's no goat shiftie eyes. E's goat bedroom eyes.
Shuggie: Spare bedroom eyes mair like it. Luk whothfek is it? Ah've a raight t'know who ma wife's slavverin ower.
Aggie: It's Ken Earmstrong.
Shuggie: Who's e when e's at hame?
Aggie: E's goat a wee website and e's dun a review o' oor Jim’s book.
Shuggie: Anither review? Is thur any bugger who's no reviewed Jim's book?
Aggie: Wanur two.
Shuggie: So whit's e goat t'say? Ah hope it's a stoata.
Aggie: Ah wis jist tryin t'read it when yoo stearted all yer fussin. Gie it back ere.
Shuggie: Haud yer hosses. E says thurur three people in the novel. Thur's mair than three people in the novel.
Aggie: E must be talking metaphorical. Gie us the damn comptuta ere.
Shuggie: Fine but nae mair slavverin. Proamis?
Aggie: Ah proamis.
Shuggie: Raight now, bookmark that Earmstrong's bloag an fix ma tea.
Aggie: Ah fixed yer tea awready.
Shuggie: Wull whur is it?
Aggie: It's in the dug.
Shuggie: The dug?
Aggie: Aye.
Shuggie: Whit's it daein in the dug?
Aggie: Digestin' Ah spect. That'll teach ye fer goin t'the pub aefter work.
Shuggie: It wus jist a cupple o jars wi the boys! Whitama goanna huv fer ma tea? Ah'm so hungry ah'd cud eat a scabby hoss between two slices o breed.
Aggie: That's why Goad invented chip shops, Shuggie. An don't ferget t'take the dug wi yer while yer at it. E's no bin oot aw day.
Shuggie: Ah raight. Cum oan dug.


Carrie Berry said...

Ken Earmstrong - isn't he the one with the sexy 'denouement'?

Anonymous said...

you make this look easy -- and i know for a fact how difficult it is.

made me smile, you did. thankee.


Anonymous said...

Wonderful stuff, Jim. Shades of D.C. Thompson in there somehow. I can almost see the frames for each exchange!

R. Brady Frost said...

Ahahahahaaaaaa! Ken's head! hahahahahaa! Now that makes my day, and it's been a loooong one. Coming up on 19 hours today... Thanks for the good laugh, Jim.

Rachel Fox said...

Best one yet...spare bedroom I laughed.
I have to say it bugged me for ages who Ken looked like (in that photo at least) then it came to me...Darren Bennett from Strictly Come Dancing. So Ken...can you rhumba? Foxtrot? Cha cha cha?

Jim Murdoch said...

Netta, Dick, Brady - that's for the feedback. Maybe I can catch my breath before having to write #8. And, Dick, you know it's strange but I was never a great fan of Oor Wullie and The Broons when I was growing up. To be honest I couldn't always understand them. I'm afraid 'Aggie and Shuggie' owe more to Rab C. Nesbitt than D. C. Thomson.

Anonymous said...

'Ha!', indeed!!

I'm really going to have to update my photo, people are getting the entirely wrong idea. These day my bedroom eyes are less 'come to bed' and much more 'I'm off to bed'.

Any resemblance to Colin Farrell is purely imaginary. Someone did once tell me I looked a bit like Gabriel Byrne but they were clinically blind.

Thanks for my very own 'Aggie and Shuggie', Jim, I feel as if I've arrived...

... 'not sure where though.

Jim Murdoch said...

Well, our Ken, I'm glad you were pleased. It seemed only fair I put in a bit of effort after that grand job you did for me.

Jena Isle said...

Ken did a wonderful review of your book Jim. Kudos to both of you. All the best and good luck with other future ventures.

Conda Douglas said...

You're so right, Jim! I do adore this illustration--and Aggie and Shuggie need to continue as a regular series here, please!

Jim Murdoch said...

Thank you Jena and Conda. I'm not sure how long I'll keep them going. As long as I keep getting reviews. And since I have several more books to release it could be a while but I don't see them getting their own blog. Not yet.

Dave King said...

I thoroughly enjoyed Ken's review and have thoroughly enjoyed your reply. Tellme, are you also responsible for the drawings, and if so, do you perhaps do a da Vinci and draw with the mouse left handedly whilst tapping out the post with your right? I wouldn't put it past you!

Jim Murdoch said...

I'm afraid not, Dave. I steal them off the Internet and fiddle with them in Photoshop till they suit my needs. I really have no artistic talent whatsoever. I need set squares, compasses and rulers to draw anything.

Dave King said...

Turner was like that. Did you know? Draw a man, it came out like a worm. Not bad at landscapes, though!

Unknown said...

I'm very scared, because you will never guess what I started reading today, with plans to review it this week????

TheMidnightWriter said...

Thanks for dropping on my entrecard. I am finally catching up to all my sites after a summer of other activity in my peace ambassador and political work. Your book sounds so fascinating! How do I buy a copy?

Would love to hear more about your adventures. Stay in touch. A fellow writer.
The Midnight Writer

Jim Murdoch said...

Penelope, yes, you've every reason to be feart, as Shuggie, would put it. I mean, what would he possibly have to say about a grown woman calling herself 'Sassy Mama Bear'?

And, Cheryl, I've dropped you an e-mail with all the various options to buy.

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