Living with the Truth Stranger than Fiction This Is Not About What You Think Milligan and Murphy Making Sense

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Aggie and Shuggie 33

Gold Star

Maggie:

[Knock Knock Knock] Ma! Da! Get up.

Aggie:

[Throwing the bedroom door open] Whit is it, hen? Is it yer gran? Huff we bin burgled? Hus the doag swallayed the remote agin?

Maggie:

Naw. Nuhin like tha. This! [Holds up her laptop] Huff ye seen this?

Aggie:

Whit hen?

Maggie:

Unca Jim’s hud a wan star refyoo.

Aggie:

A whit? Yoo are yankin ma chain. Do noat joke aboot stuff like tha.

Maggie:

Ah’m no jokin ma. Wan star! Wan!

Aggie:

Ssssssh. Keep yer voice doon. Yer’ll wake yer faither. If e gets t’hear news like tha afore is second cuppa coffee e’ll go ballistic.

Maggie:

Ah know but…

Aggie:

Jist hawd yer horses. [Quickly closes the door] Now, han it ower. Whit pillock in thur right mind wid gie oor Jim a wan star refyoo?

Maggie:

Brad Frederiksen.

Aggie:

Sounds Scandinavian.

Maggie:

E’s an Aussie.

Aggie:

Ah thought they wur aw cawd ‘Bruce’.

Maggie:

Apparently no.

Aggie:

Right. E must huff goan doolally frae aw tha sun an the coanstant diet o prawns an beer. Now see us that laptop ower ere.

Maggie:

[Hands it over] See, Ma!

Aggie:

Wheesht girl. Ah’m readin.

Maggie:

Well?

Aggie:

It’s sno tha bad. Did ye read it aw?

Maggie:

Naw. Ah jist saw the wan star bit an thought Ah’d need tae show wan o yoos two so we could buy a plane ticket an fly doon thur an stick the nut in im.

Aggie:

If ye click oan the link e says, “Ah’m gein Living wi the Truth a ratin o wan star. Fer that star Ah’ve chosen the brightest star in the Southern Croass t’night.

Maggie:

Oh. Ah get it. E’s bein clever. Very witty. Whit else did e say tha Ah missed?

Aggie:

Ah’m readin! Hang oan. Wait, in this comment ere e says, “Thur is a philosophical depth tae Living wi the Truth … Ah’ve personally found it tae be an engaging an stimulating read – wan that has stuck wi me since Ah first read it last year. Ah recommend it highly t’anywan who likes a guid dose o human insight, escapism, an humour wi their Philosophy o Truth.

Maggie:

Thank Christ fer that.

Aggie:

Aye, ye hud me worried thur. Ah wud no like tae be the person tae upset yer da wi crap like tha.

Maggie:

Me neither, ma.

Aggie:

Right. Stick the kettle oan, hen, an Ah’ll go an tell is lordship the guid news.

8 comments:

maekitso said...

Good morning Jim! You have started my day with a warm smile and a good chuckle. Thank you.

Jim Murdoch said...

Which is exactly what I was going for, Brad.

Marion McCready said...

Nice one, Jim! 33 of them now! They deserve a separate page for themselves!

Jim Murdoch said...

People have said that kind of thing before, Marion, but I tend to regard them as throwaway stuff just there to promote the latest review. They’re like a comic strip. I read Garfield and Dilbert every day but I’ve always found collections of them lose something like eating chocolate after chocolate; our eyes tell us we’re going to enjoy it but it isn’t long before our tummy starts to grumble. I’m frankly amazed I’ve managed thirty-three. There ought to have been more but those last three all came in a clump and so I thought one would be best. I’ll run out of ideas eventually. I got one a couple of nights ago as I was falling to sleep and I should’ve scribbled it down but I thought: Aw, it’s just an Aggie and Shuggie. Maybe it’ll come back to me if I don’t try too hard to remember it. Probably not.

Rachna Chhabria said...

Great conversation between Maggie and Aggie.

Jim Murdoch said...

Glad you enjoyed it, Rachna. They're fun to do every now and then. Something different. I started doing them to direct people to new reviews of my books but I'm not sure how successful they've been. I suspect most non-Scots (which is about 99% of my readership) wonder what the hell they're all about and give up on them without clicking on the links. But I really hate the hard sell.

Ken Armstrong said...

I love Aggie and Shuggie.

Jim Murdoch said...

Well, Ken, I'm glad to hear that.

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