Living with the Truth Stranger than Fiction This Is Not About What You Think Milligan and Murphy Making Sense

Thursday, 28 October 2010

Aggie and Shuggie 28

Mike

Oggie:

Shuggie!

Shuggie:

Whurrafu?

Oggie:

Wake up, son. This is a pub, no yer scratcher.

Shuggie:

Ah wis jist checkin t’see af yer coonter wis level.

Oggie:

Shuggie, d’yoo hink Ah came up tha Clyde oan a banana boat?

Shuggie:

Mibbe no.

Oggie:

Look Ah wis wantin t’ask yer aboot sumhim Ah wis readin aboot oanline.

Shuggie:

Whit wis it?

Oggie:

At wis a refyoo af yoor Jim’s poemtry book.

Shuggie:

Och aye.

Oggie:

Aye. It wis oan thas site cawd Tha Big Divide or summat like that. Ah canny quite rememer. Some bloke cawd Brent Robison. Looks a bit like yon Terry Pratchett but without tha floppy hat. Anywise e wis oan aboot sumhin cawd noanduality…

Shuggie:

Whit?

Oggie:

Noanduality. So whit’s tha when it’s at hame?

Shuggie:

At’s whit’s Ah wish Ah wis.

Oggie:

Whit?

Shuggie:

Single.

Oggie:

Ah, Ah see. Very funny. Still huffin wimmen trouble, Ah see.

Shuggie:

Yoo huff nae idea.

Oggie:

Whit noo?

Shuggie:

She oanly wants us tae go an see a mayrige guidance coonslar.

Oggie:

Christ no Shuggie, ye canny be huffin tha?

Shuggie:

Why no?

Oggie:

Ah mean, men an wimmen talkin tae each otha. S’no natural.

Shuggie:

Tell me aboot it!

Oggie:

So whittre ye goan tae dae?

Shuggie:

Ah huff nae idea.

Oggie:

Ah maint huffa solushun.

Shuggie:

Which is?

Oggie:

Ye could lose yer voice.

Shuggie:

Don’t be daft. Aggie’d suss me oot in a New York second af Ah were fakin it.

Oggie:

Ah no ye see, tha’s tha hing at’s magic aboot ma plan – ye’ll no be fakin it.

Shuggie:

Whit ye goat, sumhin Ah cun swally at’ll take ma voice away?

Oggie:

Naw, sumhin even better.

Shuggie:

Like whit?

Oggie:

Karaoke!

Shuggie:

Karaoke? Yoo need yer heed seen tae.

Oggie:

Naw, straight up, Shuggie. Ah’m goan tae get a stonkin great karaoke machine fer tha pub. A cupple af hoors beltin oot Bat Oota Hell an Ace of Spades an ye’ll be oaderin yer pints in braille. Trust me, Shuggie – Ah’m a barman.

Shuggie:

Ah canny sing tae save masel.

Oggie:

An this is a proablem because why? When’s yer missus arranged tha appointment?

Shuggie:

Monday.

Oggie:

Fine. Ah wull see yoo oan Sunday night. Don’t forget yer platform boots.

Shuggie:

Ma whit?

5 comments:

Elisabeth said...

What a solution, Jim, to use Karaoke to avoid speaking to your wife, when you are such a fine poet and wordsmith. It's still a wonderful way to advertise the review of your Anthology.

tahlianewland.com said...

Ya pink ones. You know, the one's with the sparkly bits.

Jim Murdoch said...

Not sure I haven’t written myself into a corner here, Lis, but we’ll just have to wait on the next review to see what happens next. Unlike most of my blogs I don’t write the Aggie and Shuggies in advance.

And, Tahlia, thanks for that. I have no idea what you’re on about. But thanks anyway. Pink boots, perhaps?

Dave King said...

Well you know I'm a fan. This one jist makes me more fanatical!

Jim Murdoch said...

Thanks, Dave. Now I have the problem of how to cope if and when Shuggie does lose his voice. It has potential.

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