Coming Out

"So you are a
practicing poet?"
she asked,
and I felt unclean
and wanted my closet back.

23 March 1989

When did you know you were… you know… that way inclined? I wonder how many gays have been asked that question. No one’s ever asked me when I knew I was straight. No one’s ever asked me when I knew I was a poet either. Was I born one? Since I regard myself as a natural poet I guess I must’ve been. I was poetry-curious in my early teens—I guess a lot of us are and for many it’s a phase we go through—but once I reached my twenties it was impossible to deny: I was a poet. I didn’t know any other poets and it was a lonely time. I wasn’t even sure if I was doing it right. Was there even a right way? Occasionally I’d let someone in but most of them didn’t know what to do with the information. I’d make up wee collections for my friends who were polite but never said what they really thought. It was hard.

This was all pre-Internet. Now it’s so different. A few keystrokes and you can find like-minded individuals no matter what your persuasion or inclination or preference or kink. You’d think that’d be a good thing.

5 comments:

Kass said...: I'm so glad you came out...

...and keep coming out.; 20 April 2016 at 15:28
Jim Murdoch said...: How can someone who is out come out further? This reminds me of a scripture from years ago, Daniel 12:1, which begins, “And at that time stand up doth Michael, the great head, who is standing up for the sons of thy people…” How can a king who’s already standing stand up? It’s just different meanings of the word; the first meaning to represent, the second, to prepare for action. Don’t you just love language, Kass?; 22 April 2016 at 10:49
Kass said...: YES, Jim, I do love language. I don't mind synning for the sake of syntax.; 30 April 2016 at 16:38
Johnny said...: I know your struggle. Its a very lonely way.; 1 May 2016 at 20:00
Jim Murdoch said...: Yes, it is, Johnny. I thought when I came online and saw just how many people were involved in the poetry world that would change but those connections are so fleeting they make little impact in the grand scheme of thing. I always knew there were others out there like me and now I know the names of a few of them but really not much more. Thanks for the comment. Always appreciated.; 2 May 2016 at 14:18

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