| Aggie: | Shuggie! |
| Shuggie: | Whir’s tha fire? |
| Aggie: | Maggie, you an aw. |
| Maggie: | Whit’s up, Ma? |
| Aggie: | Tha postie’s jist deliffered oor Jim’s noo book. |
| Maggie: | Unca Jim’s goat a noo book oot? |
| Aggie: | Christ lassie. Af ye didne spend haff yer life plugged intae yoan iPoad ye might huf haffa cloo whit’s goin oan in tha real world wance an a while. |
| Shuggie: | Whit’s tha oan tha cover. Did Jim spill sumhin oan it befair e sent it tae us? Ah bet tha’s a naff wan e cudne floag an so e sent it tae us. |
| Aggie: | Shuggie, you can be a first class numtie. Nuhin’s bin spilt oan it. Tha’s tha pitcha. |
| Maggie: | Whit is it, Ma? |
| Maggie: | At’s wan o them Rorshack inkbloats. |
| Shuggie: | Cum again? |
| Aggie: | At’s wan o them pitchas psycholagists use t’see af yer daft or no. |
| Maggie: | Whit d’ye dae wi it? |
| Aggie: | Ye look at it an say whit ye see. |
| Shuggie: | Ah see an inkbloat. |
| Aggie: | Ah see an awkward pig. |
| Maggie: | Whur’s the pig? |
| Aggie: | Ah meant yer faither. |
| Shuggie: | Raight wumman. Enuff o tha. |
| Maggie: | At looks like two wimmen talkin. |
| Aggie: | Aye, Ah cun see tha. So whit’s tha hing inbetween em? At looks like a fox’s heed. |
| Shuggie: | See us it ower ere. |
| Aggie: | Wull? |
| Shuggie: | Dinnae rush me. |
| Aggie: | Yer suppaised tae say tha first hing tha comes intae yer brain. |
| Shuggie: | At looks like a willie. |
| Maggie: | Da! |
| Shuggie: | Wull it dis! A wee willie. Wull tha’s whit Ah see. Did ye look it up oan tha Intraweb? |
| Maggie: | Hang oan, Da, Ah’m jist daein it. |
| Shuggie: | An…? |
| Maggie: | Ah cun oanly see wan refyoo af it so far? Dave King. |
| Shuggie: | Dave who? |
| Aggie: | You know Dave King, Shuggie, tha nice auld bloke whit dis Pics an Poyems. |
| Maggie: | Ma! You don say ‘auld’ these days. Tha’s no politikly correct. |
| Aggie: | Wull whit then? |
| Maggie: | Yous’re suppaised tae say ‘chroanoloagiclly challenged.’ |
| Shuggie: | Don’t talk tripe, girl. Oanyway, whit’s e goat t’say? |
| Maggie: | E hinks it looks like a wumman’s doodah. |
| Shuggie: | A whit? At’s a willie af effer Ah’ve seen wan – a willie oan a stick . . . mibbe. |
| Aggie: | Wull aw Ah cun say at’s a guid hing the wee white van wi the square wheels isne pearked ootside oor door oar they’d be haulin you aff, Shuggie. |
| Shuggie: | At’s no ma fault oor Jim puts hings oan is books tha people can’t make heed nor tail af. |
| Maggie: | Mibbie we shud gie Unca Jim a phone un see whit e says. |
| Aggie: | Tha’s a guid idea. Shuggie, you dae it. |
| Shuggie: | [Grudgingly] Fine. [Dials. Waits.] Jim? Ah, Shuggie ere. Ow’s it hangin? . . . Fine. Us too. Look we jist goat yer new poemtry book an at an we wis wunnerin whit’s the cover aw aboot. . . . Uh, huh. . . . Uh, huh. . . . Ah, see. . . . Okay, hanks mate. Catch ye later. |
| Aggie: | So? |
| Shuggie: | At’s whiteffer we want it t’be. |
| Aggie: | Wull, tha’s no much help. |
| Shuggie: | Nah at’s no. Maggie, goan an make us a cuppa tea, hen. |
| Maggie: | Awraight, Da. |
| Shuggie: | Ah jist ope is poyems’re betta than is pitchas. |
6 comments:
A Rorschach of a conversation this one, Jim and I think I understood every word.
Now I'm looking forward to examining the cover more closely myself to see what I make of it.
Well I’m pleased you struggled through it, Lis. I would imagine your copy will be there any day now.
I've said it before - D.C. Thompson for the noughties!
I can't think of higher praise, Dick.
Priceless. I really am surprised you haven't yet collected these together in book form. They'd go a bomb, I'm sure. You'd kick-start that cult following, no prob's.
Thanks for the mention, but I've reserved first refusal on the wee white van!
I don't honestly think they'd work out of context, Dave. I suppose I could try and rework them minus all the references to the book reviews.
Post a Comment