Living with the Truth Stranger than Fiction This Is Not About What You Think Milligan and Murphy Making Sense

Thursday, 30 October 2008

Aggie and Shuggie 11




Shuggie: Ag, whit d'ye know aboot Texans?
Aggie: Texan? Is tha no a barra choclut?
Shuggie: Aye, it yayst t'be but ye canne gettum ainy mair.
Aggie: Cun ye no?
Shuggie: Wull Ah've nae seen wan in doankey's years.
Aggie: Gud. Ye shudne be stuffin ye face wi sweets ainyway wi tha belly af yair's.
Shuggie: Whit belly?
Aggie: The wan whit's hangin ower the edge af yer troosers. An quit suckin in yer gut or ye'll dae yersel permumunt damage.
Shuggie: Ma belt's too tight tha's aw it is.
Aggie: Aye, an Ah'm the Queen o Sheba.
Shuggie: Whit's tha goat t'dae wi ainyhin? Ye've goat ma brain aw confuddled the noo, wumman.
Aggie: Well, tha widne take much.
Shuggie: Cun yoo no stoap slaggin me furra minute? Yer suppaste te have respect fer yer man. That's whit ye prammist the priest.
Aggie: Shuggie, yoo jist setumup an Ah jist knoaksem doon. Whitur ye oan aboot Texans fer anyhoo?
Shuggie: Ah wis readin a refyoo oanline fram a bloke cawd Sammy Hoostun. Sa refyoo af oor Jim's book. It's a gudyun.
Aggie: Isne Hooston in Texas? Dus tha Sammy bloke stay in Hooston? Mibbe is mate Steve lives in Austin.
Shuggie: How wid Ah know? An whothfukis Steve whunis at hame?
Aggie: Steve Austin? The Sex Millyun Doalla Man.
Shuggie: Whit are ye oan, wumman?
Aggie: Ah'm jist makin coanversation, Shuggie, like we yist t'dae whun we wis coortin. Tha is when yer tung wisne half way doon ma throat. So whit's oor Sammy goat t'say fer imsel?
Shuggie: Ah canne remmemer. It wis quite lang. E gave Jim fair stars. Ah remmer that.
Aggie: Oota whit? Fair stars oota a hunner's no brullyunt.
Shuggie: Oota five Ah sappose. Ah dunno.
Aggie: Wull, tha's no so bad then is it? Sbetterun three stars.
Shuggie: Or two…or wan eefun.
Aggie: Ah'd like t'meet the wee nyaff daft enuff t'gie oor Jim wan star.
Shuggie: Ah'd gie im a Glesgae Kiss.
Aggie: Aye, an Ah'd hawd im doon whailst ye stuck the heedinim. So, Ah spose ye didne bookmark tha refyoo?
Shuggie: Ah did. Is bloag's cawd Book Chase.
Aggie: Book Chase? Sno vury Texan, is it? Ah thought it mightuv bin cawd 'The Lone Star Book Corral' or summit. Raight. Ah'll fix us a nice cuppa tea an then we cun huv a wee shuftie at it.
Shuggie: Any burbun creams, hen?
Aggie: Thur's a fresh packet in the drawer. Jist two mind, or ye wilnae eat yer tea.
Shuggie: Whiteffer yer say, hen.



8 comments:

McGuire said...

'E gave Jim fair stars.' - So do I, love that line, and love the language of the conversation all together. Comic homegrown characters.

I hope your going to compile these into 'wan wee storee jimbo', would be worth a read.

Write on.

Jim Murdoch said...

Thanks, McGuire, and just for that there'll be another one up tomorrow. So there.

Ken Armstrong said...

Oh dear, I had a sort of Russell/Jonathan moment over in the reviewer blog. I was going to post an apology but feared it would all just be made worse.

Nice review. :)

Jim Murdoch said...

Er, Ken, I think Shuggie would like a word...

Conda V. Douglas said...

Great fun post, Jim and perfect illustration--I had to forward it all to my brother and his family who live in Waller "Walllrrr in Texan" County about 50 miles out of Houston.

Now, just how big is that candy bar?

Jim Murdoch said...

Conda, the bar actually was brought back due to popular demand for a short time. You can see a better photo here with a coaster in the picture which gives you an idea of size. I can think of a dozen bars I'd like to see brought back before a Texan to be honest. It was a long toffee chew, that's all.

shug said...

I've told you before that your scurrilous skits bring opprobrium on shugs everywhere. I must ask you formally to desist and abandon this blatantly shuggist behaviour. Shugs everywhere are appalled that their human rights are being flouted in this manner.

Jim Murdoch said...

Thanks for that, Shug. Er, my Shug would just like you to know that any attempts at 'probing' will be resisted with deadly force. Not his exact words you understand. Aggie had to sit on him to calm him down and he was a bit hard to follow...but that was the gist of it.

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