tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6327348657265652781.post4865329290166688105..comments2023-10-03T11:41:21.191+01:00Comments on The Truth About Lies: #657Jim Murdochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12786388638146471193noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6327348657265652781.post-72040439785536541112016-07-16T14:50:43.198+01:002016-07-16T14:50:43.198+01:00Jim, You're right. Like you, I've got the ...Jim, You're right. Like you, I've got the t-shirt. Gwil Whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03305768121713053837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6327348657265652781.post-29245363093573746422016-07-15T15:38:26.423+01:002016-07-15T15:38:26.423+01:00I'm pretty sure this is one of those poems Gwi...I'm pretty sure this is one of those poems <b>Gwilym</b> that I would've spent ages swapping out words and never being completely satisfied. If we go with 'moved' we lose the alliteration. If we use 'peeling' we lose 'simply' which touches on the 's' in 'closer' and the 'p' in peeled. Of course to reinstate the 's' we could say she 'slid closer' or 'slipped closer'. I used to drive myself mad changing words about trying to find the perfect combination.Jim Murdochhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12786388638146471193noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6327348657265652781.post-48970200635820728632016-07-14T17:12:13.474+01:002016-07-14T17:12:13.474+01:00Thinking aloud. I like it Jim but I think a visual...Thinking aloud. I like it Jim but I think a visual word like "moved" is more sensual than the abstract "came". You could make the final verb active: <br /><br />In the half-light<br />she moved closer <br />peeling my fears away<br />Gwil Whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03305768121713053837noreply@blogger.com