tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6327348657265652781.post1186176693305682575..comments2023-10-03T11:41:21.191+01:00Comments on The Truth About Lies: Shadow ChildJim Murdochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12786388638146471193noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6327348657265652781.post-44656410169568789982011-08-13T10:42:09.306+01:002011-08-13T10:42:09.306+01:00You’re probably right there, Art, about the book e...You’re probably right there, <b>Art</b>, about the book ending too soon in that respect. It’s hard to know when a story has said all it needs to. I’ve tried to write about the loss of my father but what I ended up writing about was a woman who felt she either was unable to grieve or unable to grieve right going through the various stages in the ‘right’ order and I guess that is me. I was sad when my parents died but I’ve always had this sneaking feeling that I never actually grieved. I was talking to Ken Armstrong recently about this and I had to go away and check the dates of my parents’ deaths because I couldn’t remember, not even the years. (In that respect I have always felt some affinity with Meursault in <i>The Outsider</i>.) I’ve never been one to memorialise anything and it takes some effort to remember birthdays and anniversaries. Some people might think I’m a cold bugger for this but I’m not. It’s just I have limitations.<br /><br>Jim Murdochhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12786388638146471193noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6327348657265652781.post-49408184936782906902011-08-12T15:44:51.159+01:002011-08-12T15:44:51.159+01:00While I honor the courage and honesty it takes to ...While I honor the courage and honesty it takes to write a book like this, in no way do I want to read it. To do so would be wallowing.<br /><br />My parents, who I gave up my career for to move back in with them and take of them while they were dying, died 7 months apart from each other, in 2007 and 2008. After that, it was a rush to get the house cleared out, things settled, and find myself a new place to live. There wasn't much free time grief in all that, even though grieving did happen. Sometimes you don't have the luxury of time to take on all your feelings in the moment they arise. <br /><br />So when things got settled, I did a ritual of "a year and a day." I bought roses for a year on the days they had been born and the days they died. I put a lot of my grief into that. Since I completed that ritual, the pressure has been off, and I haven't actually felt much grief. I mostly remember the good things now—because I faced the grief head on, made a ritual out of it, and let it go.<br /><br />Writing a book to deal with grief is great: it's what writers do, as you so often say, respond to life with writing about it. Writing out a memoir, or a novel, strike me as equally good ways to deal with grief. I don't think one is better than the other: what's better is to write through grief rather than not write about it. Period.<br /><br />Now, this book strikes me as an incomplete ritual of grief. He doesn't complete the process, from what you say in your review. He leaves it hanging unresolved. And that is not something I want to read. It would be, for me, like climbing back down into a pit of despair that I spent a long time climbing out of. That's what I mean by wallowing. So thanks for the review, and I'll pass on this one.Art Durkeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07463180236975988432noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6327348657265652781.post-8699973219837927872011-08-12T12:05:48.636+01:002011-08-12T12:05:48.636+01:00Love is an old whipping boy of mine, Dave. I wrote...Love is an old whipping boy of mine, <b>Dave</b>. I wrote a whole article a while ago about it. <i>Shadow Child</i> has been out for a while and there are copies on Amazon for 1p if you decide it does take your fancy. I actually wrote this review ten months ago and it kept getting overlooked so even though I was due to post an article rather than a review I decided that enough time had elapsed. I love getting all the free books but there are plenty of older books that deserve to not be forgotten and I think this is one of them.<br /><br />And, <b>Mr Lonely</b>, thanks for dropping by and making a comment. I think you’re my first Malaysian, at least the first to pass comment. There’s really no need to plug your own blog like this though. As soon as any of us see a new name in the comments we will invariably click on the hyperlink to see who it is. Much better to say something constructive about the post you’re commenting on, something that shows you’ve read it and leave it at that. If people are interested in us it’s hard not to show some interest in them.<br /><br>Jim Murdochhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12786388638146471193noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6327348657265652781.post-15218394297578119912011-08-11T12:03:05.679+01:002011-08-11T12:03:05.679+01:00Your discussion of the need to redefine love as we...Your discussion of the need to redefine love as we grow older and the difficulty of doing so, detained me a bit as I read your review. The way I've tended to see it is that we become aware of other kinds of love, and it becomes difficult at times to distinguish between them, to see where the boundaries are.<br /><br />There are many issues, no less difficult, raised by this book. I shall bear this one in mind. Not sure, right now, if I will buy it, though if I see it I probably will.Dave Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08430484174826768488noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6327348657265652781.post-60845317053802778762011-08-10T10:35:59.693+01:002011-08-10T10:35:59.693+01:00I’m glad you appreciated this, Gerry. When I start...I’m glad you appreciated this, <b>Gerry</b>. When I started my last book, <i>Left</i>, I imagined that finally I’d deal with some of the issues concerning my own father and yet I found that I struggled with that and the book veered off in another direction completely. The core of the book is the protagonist discovering that she also has a half-sister and the crux of the novel actually revolved around her trying to get to know a young woman who may or may not be that sister. It was interesting ground to cover because both women have very different impressions of who they believe their father to be. Certainly in my dad’s later years I learned things about him that I wish I hadn’t so I can imagine what you might be going through to some degree.<br /><br />I am not sure about grief, <b>Loren</b>. It’s been over ten years since both my parents died and I always felt bad that I didn’t grieve more. Grief, so they tell us, is a very personal thing and we all grieve in our own ways. In <i>Left</i> I have the protagonist walking down a street and imagining people pointing her out to their friends, the woman who didn’t know how to grieve right.<br /><br />Thank you for your comment, <b>Rachna</b>. Yes, I think you would appreciate it.<br /><br />And, <b>Josep</b>, I wrote about my dad’s death the day he died, a poem, and then one the next day and one on the anniversary of his death. It was several years after my mother’s passing though before I wrote a poem for her. As I mentioned above I expected my last novel to help me process the past but even sixteen years after my dad’s death I still found it difficult territory. Perhaps I’ve left it too late.<br /><br>Jim Murdochhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12786388638146471193noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6327348657265652781.post-1953960341975821892011-08-09T14:15:39.513+01:002011-08-09T14:15:39.513+01:00This is the sort of book I'd like to read righ...This is the sort of book I'd like to read right now. How nice to find here the music by Catalan composer Mompou.<br />I can't be more interested in the discussion about these two approaches to the topic: the memoir or the novel. I've started to write about my father after his death, a month ago. I'm not sure in which genre my story will fall under, but I'm trying to get some distance from my father's death to avoid emotional excess. I could be completely wrong. In any case, I'll keep writing, and surely will read again this post.J. M. P.https://www.blogger.com/profile/15366137607945969097noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6327348657265652781.post-54561526392257602892011-08-09T14:06:53.770+01:002011-08-09T14:06:53.770+01:00It was nice reading about Shadow Child. I need to...It was nice reading about Shadow Child. I need to look out for this book.Rachna Chhabriahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16900999965919504282noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6327348657265652781.post-54156031542902424662011-08-09T13:19:52.527+01:002011-08-09T13:19:52.527+01:00That intro quote is so very well put. You never do...That intro quote is so very well put. You never do get away from grief entirely.Loren Eatonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12488412683340389286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6327348657265652781.post-45798900102419606582011-08-09T10:42:35.314+01:002011-08-09T10:42:35.314+01:00thankyou Jim for this post. John Donne said it so ...thankyou Jim for this post. John Donne said it so simply yet profoundly that death is the great leveller. I had to radically review my thoughts about my dad last year when another sister was "dscovered". This seemed so completely out of character with all that I had grown up to assume was my dad's life.Dad was long dead but it was as if he had to come back and explain this for us who were left.<br /><br />I must search out the book...thankyou for the suggestion.Gerry Snapehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07269492251928362799noreply@blogger.com