| Maggie: | Da! |
| Shuggie: | Whit, hen? |
| Maggie: | Are we real? |
| Shuggie: | Are we whit? |
| Maggie: | Real? |
| Shuggie: | [feels himself over] Aye, hen, as far as Ah cun tell. |
| Maggie: | Tha’s no whit Ah mean. How’d we know we’re no the figment o sumwan’s imagination? |
| Shuggie: | Like Goad? |
| Maggie: | Aye. |
| Shuggie: | Wull, aw Ah cun say is if sumwan immaginified me Goad help ‘im. |
| Maggie: | Yoor no takin me seriously. |
| Shuggie: | Ah am. It’s jist Ah wis never much cop when it came to apisstomology. Ah aywis thought it were sumhim tae dae wi hinkin aboot bevvy. |
| Maggie: | Ye mean ontology? |
| Shuggie: | Aye, that tae. |
| Maggie: | Ontology is the philosophical study o the nature o being. Epistemology is more boathered wi the nature an scope o knowledge an at. |
| Shuggie: | Ah know that. Did ye hink Ah came up the Clyde oan a banana boat? Ah wis jist yanking yer chain. Cun ye no take a wee joke. Christ, weans these days. |
| Maggie: | So? |
| Shuggie: | La Te Doh. |
| Maggie: | Ah’m aff tae see Ma. She’ll take me seriously. |
| Shuggie: | No, cum oan. Dinnae be like that. Ah cun be serious. Whit’s goat ye hinkin aboot the nature af reality then? An is it fanomanologicul reality, virchool reality, awternate reality or jist plain ol’ common or garden reality? |
| Maggie: | Metaphysical reality. |
| Shuggie: | Oh, right. Ah forgoat aboot that wan. Right, Ah’m aw ears. |
| Maggie: | It’s jist in Unca Jim’s new book… |
| Shuggie: | Whoa! Hawd yer horses, lassie. Oor Jim’s goat a new book oot? |
| Maggie: | Aye. There’s a refyoo up oan Dave King’s bloag? Ah thought you read his bloag. |
| Shuggie: | On occashun, yes, Ah huff bin known tae parooze it. So whit’s oor Jim’s new book cawd? |
| Maggie: | Milligan and Murphy. |
| Shuggie: | Zat right? |
| Maggie: | Aye. An it’s aboot these two blokes who Ah hink arny real. They’re jist imaginary. |
| Shuggie: | They’re in a book, hen. Everywan in a book is imaginary. It’s a rule. |
| Maggie: | Ah know that. But I hink these two huff cottoned oan tae the fact that they’re no real. |
| Shuggie: | An tha’s why yoo wis wunnerin if perchance we wis aw jist made up. |
| Maggie: | Aye. How’d we know? |
| Shuggie: | Ah huff nae idea, hen. Noat a Scoobies. |
| Maggie: | Ah knew Ah shudda asked ma ma aboot this. |
| Shuggie: | Aye, perhaps ye shudda. |
| Maggie: | Yoor no real. |
| Shuggie: | Neffer a truer word said, hen. |
Loved that!
ReplyDeleteSince when aren't those two real? I thought they were as real as those two coots in Waiting for Godot, as real as my guardian angel and me when we get to talking.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm over to Dave's blog to read the 'refoo'
It’s been a while since the last ‘Aggie and Shuggie’, Titus, and I always worry that I’m not going to be able to pull one off but they just keep coming and as long as I can keep ‘em funny I’ll keep doing them. I’m sure new readers will wonder what the hell is going on so perhaps I really need to write a Guide to Aggie and Shuggie so they know what’s happening and why. I just hate authors who do nothing but plug their work at every single opportunity. I’m sure it doesn’t translate into sales; it probably just puts people off. But you have to do some promotion and this seems to work.
ReplyDeleteAnd, Lis, you need to go back and re-read Beckett's pseudo-couples (part one). Milligan and Murphy are not the authors of their own destiny. As the book progresses they become more and more aware that they’re having a surprisingly easy time of it. Even the one night they spend under the stars they spend with an experienced gentleman of the road who advises them on how best to keep warm. Most books are about placing obstacles in the way of the protagonists—at the very least an antagonist—but my only goal as the author of these two was to set them free to enable them to fulfil their destiny, i.e. to become the next Vladimir and Estragon having received their commission from the ghost of Gogo (assuming, of course, that’s he’s not a pooka). They don’t converse with their author in the same way that Dan Milligan does in Puckoon (the closest being when Murphy, at the end of the book, glances heavenward and says, “Someone is taking the piss”) but they do become increasingly aware of my presence. As far as these two go I am God.
This is great. It reminds me of someone I once knew who spoke a form of Cockney and would debate deep philosophical issues in what on the surface seemed wholly inappropriate language. But actually, the content was all there if you dug for it - though I think not many did! He sounded just too hilarious. I have to admit that "refyoo" stopped me in my tracks for a moment.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, though.
Yeah, Dave, four reviews up and only one ‘Aggie and Shuggie’ to show but they all came in a bit of a clump so what was I to do? Your comment really underlines what the poetry of Tom Leonard was all about, at least when he was writing his Glasgow dialect poems like ‘The Six O’clock News’. It’s something I feel quite strongly about despite the fact I have the least Scottish accent imaginable; I still have an accent. I’m sure a lot of the seriousness that underlies the first two novels misses people because of the way Truth presents his truths: serious things need to be presented in a serious way. Well, who says? Just have a look at Colin Maguire’s latest offering.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Dave. The language makes me smile inside the whole time I read it.
ReplyDeleteI’m pleased, Kass. I have to say I’m quite amazed I’ve managed to pull together so many. Every time I finish one I think I’ll never be able to write another but once I start a wee conversation going I usually rattle one down in a few minutes. Now if only the rest of my writing progressed with such ease.
ReplyDelete