| Oggie: | Och, ere e comes, tha wounded soja. |
| Shuggie: | Mornin, Oggie. A pint o heavy when ye’ve a minute. |
| Oggie: | Fer yoo – no poablemo. Hoo’re tha goolies? |
| Shuggie: | Still oan tha tender side Ah huff tae say. |
| Oggie: | So yoo’ll no be wantin anither shoat oan tha Karaoke then? |
| Shuggie: | No tha noo. Ah mist owe yer sumhim fer tha speakers. |
| Oggie: | At’s paid. |
| Shuggie: | Paid? |
| Oggie: | Aye. Paid in fu. Aggie came doon an paid me fer tha damages a couple o days aefter ye went intae hoaspital. |
| Shuggie: | She neffer said. Ah wummer whur she goat tha readies? |
| Oggie: | Well far be it frae me tae cause ructions but huff ye seen yer first edition af The Catcher in the Rye recently? |
| Shuggie: | She cudnae? |
| Oggie: | Aye she cud. |
| Shuggie: | She widnae? |
| Oggie: | Aye she wid. |
| Shuggie: | She didnae? |
| Oggie: | Aye she did. Goat aboot seven hunner quid doon tha toon furrit. |
| Shuggie: | Seven hunner? They was worth ower a grand. Twelve hunner at least. |
| Oggie: | Ah well, Shuggie. Whit cun Ah say? Hows aboot a wee whisky oan tha hoose? |
| Shuggie: | Ah may as well. |
| Oggie: | There ye go, son. Get tha doon ye. So whit’s life like noo yer back hame? |
| Shuggie: | Froasty tae say tha least. Wid freeze the bas aff a pawnbroker’s sign. |
| Oggie: | Aye? |
| Shuggie: | Aye. She hus goat me oan a very short leash. |
| Oggie: | A choaker? |
| Shuggie: | Ah’d luv tae. |
| Oggie: | No, Ah wis talkin aboot tha collar. A choaker? |
| Shuggie: | Aye, sumhin like tha. |
| Oggie: | So how come ye managed tae sneak oot ere? |
| Shuggie: | We’ll oor Jim’s poemtry book goat a nice refyoo oan tha Ink, Sweat an Tears site an Ah took advantage o tha general guid mood in tha hoose an thought Ah’d chance ma arm an poap oot fer a wee bevvy. |
| Oggie: | Are they still oan the go? Ah do like a bit o jazz-fusion. |
| Shuggie: | No tha band ye pillock. INK, Sweat an Tears! |
| Oggie: | Awwww. Ah though they wis a trbute band ur sumhin. So wis it a guid refyoo? |
| Shuggie: | Pretty gid, aye. |
| Oggie: | Ye should get yoor Jim tae come doon an read a few af is poems tae the punters. We like a wee bit o Kultcha-wi-a-capital-k effry noo an then. |
| Shuggie: | Ah’ll ask im but e’s a wee bit oan tha shy side. |
| Oggie: | Tell im there’s twenny quid in it an aw tha dry salted peanuts e can eat. |
| Shuggie: | Sounds like a fair deal tae me. |
| Oggie: | That ye aff then? |
| Shuggie: | Aye, dinnae want tae push it. |
| Oggie: | Ye shud take tha missus in a wee sumhin tae warm the cockles af her heart. How aboot a wee Babysham. |
| Shuggie: | Tha’s no a bad idea but tell ye whit, sling us ower a couple o Carlsberg Specials insteed. |
| Oggie: | Two leg openers comin right up. Best o luck, Shuggie. |
| Shuggie: | Hanks, Oggie. Ah’ll need it. |
Nice discreet plug for the book of poetry, Jim. Elegantly done!
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked it, Danish dog. I really don't think the hard sell works and this has become a bit of a tradition. I keep thinking I'm going to dry up but not yet.
ReplyDeleteI soundlike this when I'm drunk.. and oddly enough the dialogue reminds me of the twins from Alice and Wonderland... don't know why...
ReplyDeletenicely done..
-Sy
30 already! My favourite animated cartoon.
ReplyDeleteMuch as I’m a fan of Matt Lucas I’m not quite sure that’s what I was aiming for, Sy, but you’ve got the right idea with the cross-banter between the two. Glad you liked it.
ReplyDeleteAnd, Dick, yes, the big three-o. Never thought I could keep it going this long but there you go and I do know of one other review which is coming so we’ll get a chance to see how Shuggie gets on with the Carlsberg Specials.
Superb. Ink sweat and Tears, eh? Well, I might try a dose o that mesel!
ReplyDeleteI've been a long-time subscriber, Dave. I like the fact that I get one piece a day to read. And they're never too long either.
ReplyDelete